I Fell off the Wagon
I was doing so good but now I’ve found how easy it is for me to fall back and lose ground. Speaking of falling back – I did it – literally. On a Wednesday night at church, I was rolling my wheelchair backward up a sidewalk (I do that because its so hard to push myself forward on an incline). Well, I managed to roll my wheelchair right off the sidewalk and fell backward, landing hard on the right side of my back. My entire trunk area took a big shock and my ribs on my right side (front and back) were hurting a lot as well as my left hip. It hurt to move, breathe and lay down, so I basically stayed in my recliner with a pillow to my ribs in case I needed to cough. Luckily, my doc appoint was two days later and I got him to check me out. Basically just bruising and very sore. This continued for a couple of weeks and finally I’m getting so I can lay on my right side again. But I was so mad at myself for doing that. My back and hips had just gotten so I could stand up some without pain, so definitely a setback. Then, a few days later, I managed to catch a bug or a cold and ended up with congestion and some coughing. The coughing made my ribs hurt more and my blood sugar responded by going up drastically. I was surprised that a minor cold could bring my blood glucose up so much. But my body was responding to the illness. As I recovered, my blood glucose levels dropped off again.
Changing Schedules throw me off also.
Then my schedule changed when Mel and I traveled to Little Rock to see my daughter and her family off to Papua New Guinea and the mission field. We met them for breakfast the day they flew out and of course I ate with them – the last time for 2 years. That Waffle House breakfast was not totally in LCHF compliance and managed to raise my bgl again. (I ate some hash browns and a few bites of the pancake with my little grandson.
As if that wasn’t enough, I spent the next 4 days in White Hall with a friend taking images for her cookbook. I fell completely off my fasting during that. She is a great cook and I ate anything she cooked. By blood sugar went sky high.
Even when I got back home, it was like I was totally out of control.
I tried over and over each new day to get back to my fasting. But my will power was gone. Once I cheated it was like the end of my self control. I began to nibble during the day (even if it was good food – it was still nibbling).
I tried hard exercise and well – the water aerobics raised my blood sugar also. So I’ve been back on a few units of novalog during the day and 5 units of Lantus at night to try and bring these out of control blood glucose readings down. I’m so mad at myself.
So I’ve learned the following:
- Getting sick messes up my blood glucose a lot
- Stress messes it up also.
- Changing my schedule is bad for my fasting
- I have no will-power at all
- Once I start cheating, then its like a boulder rowing downhill – hard to stop.
- Exercise if its hard can raise my blood glucose.
- I can lose a lot of ground in 10 days.
- I can’t do this alone. I need help from my creator God.
Figuring how to get back on track again
Its been very hard figuring how to get back on track and I know I must be frustrating to my mentor, Dr. Lam. I’ve felt like a complete failure with my lack of self control. I finally went online and searched for “gluttony” and read that its a sin. So I searched for books on how to handle the sin of “gluttony”. I did find a few and began to read. As long as I keep reading these, I feel strong and can hold off my nibbling.
I downloaded the following kindle books:
- Deliverance from the Sin of Guttony by Zacharius Fomum (this is the first one I read and it totally convicted me of my gluttony).
- Sweet Surrender by Pamela Masshardt (a 12 step recovery book from food addiction). I found out I am like an alcoholic but I’m addicted to food instead. I reading this one now.
- 10 Reasons Christians Should Care about What They Eat ( I don’t want to run out of books to read to keep me on track)
- Gluttony, A Study of Overeating in the Bible (yet another one to read later)
In the Deliverance ebook, I read some interested examples from the Bible.
- Esau’s gluttony and lack of self control caused him to give away his inheritance to Jacob for one tasty meal
- Isaac’s gluttony and lack of self control made him too impatient to check out the identify of which son was bringing him the tasty meal – so he blessed Jacob instead of Esau
- Also, just think about mother Eve, she wanted that forbidden fruit because it looked good to eat and would make her wiser (according to Satan). So look what her gluttony and lack of self control lost she, Adam and all of us, their descendants.
So I’m currently in the process of seeking my self-control from the Lord and forgiveness for the sin of gluttony. Today, I managed to eat only what I said I would and even fixed Mel’s pizza for him to have during the SuperBowl. I pray I can stay back on track now. However, I know I just take it one day at a time.
Dr. Lam and I have agreed for me to try one meal a day during my eating days. That meal will consist of two eggs and avocados. This will get rid of most carbs and sugars and hopefully bring my blood glucose levels back into control. I will fast completely on Mondays-Wednesdays-Fridays and eat Sat-Sun-Tues-Thurs (hopefully just one meal). I can put heavy cream in my coffee if I need it. Still working on drinking lots of water. I plan on hitting the pool at least twice this week and doing moderate exercise.
My current goal is to lose the 7-8 pounds I managed to gain back and get my blood glucose under 200 and keep it there. My secondary goal is to get so controlled I do not need ANY insulins at all again.
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